There is a certain elegance in blaming someone else for a lover’s misdeeds. When you can get away with things not being a their fault, you can justify the decision to keep them around far easier, and without any of that messy fixing things part. […]
I get this question more than I’d like to admit, for a couple of reasons, in some cases the person simply lacks any sembalance of social skills and is convinced I’m hiding some kind of horrible turmoil just beneath my ever-so-calm exterior.
It’s really more of a state of something or other when it’s so much regarded as a-ok to really try and uncover and pry open some hidden emotional trauma that I simply must be covering.
You don’t even seem to be upset over the divorce. What’s your secret?
Half the time the urge to grab whomever and shake them is quite overwhelming, and while my usual bon mot is something about my ex being an idiot, it’s not exactly helpful.
While it sounds tripe and it sounds like a cliché, get over it. There’s no blasted reason to feel all stabby, and really it’s not conductive to any healing process.
Steps to get over your ex without being stabby or conversely, burning any houses down:
- Find a halfway decent friend or, if you happen to be like me, a gaggle of frienemies, (they do come in gaggles correct?) and plot a revenge you will never take out (never taking it out is the important part), hence the bolding). I don’t buy that beating the crap out of random inanimate object will actually do anything healing.Revenge plots are more fun anyway, just really: Don’t Take it Out! The goal is for you to feel better, not get arrested.
- Be flippant over them. Really, fake it if you have to. If the are calling off the relationship, or you are there is a reason: that reason more than likely means that person sucks, simply act accordingly (again, really I’m a peach).
- But I still loooove him/ her. I hate this response really, tough cookies. There’s obviously a reason for the lack of relationship in the present, so what do you get out of proclaiming love still? Nada, other than pain. Get a puppy or something.
- I’m going to be financially destitute. Fine, I’ll give you starting over sucks, but hey sometimes things are more important than money. Mental and physical safety for one. People do it all the time, for a thousand little reasons. I had to completely start my life over, with a brand new kiddo. My ex was kind enough to leave me with debt, so I started over with literally less than I had before (I was never in debt before him).
It’s a long road, realize this. Nothing will go right for a bit, but things will get there. Don’t try and drown sorrows, or bury them, just go through it. At times the irrational things may help.
While my ex was out buying dates and getting blasted, I was a wreck.
What did I do?
I started a blog(the one you are reading right this second). It made some kind of sense at the time, partially due to my (not actually reccomended) refusal to see a shrink during my stint with some rather hardcore depression (which is another post).
Find your own thing, and if you are actually depressed (not talking a bit sad, I mean all out depressed), seeing someone could make a huge difference. Shrinks aren’t bad people, they really do want to help.
Image via Wikipedia Kid’s can act like spoiled little devils, and apparently some of the parents out there aren’t much better. NY Daily now owes me a new laptop after this line: Jon, 32, is said to feel as though TLC has taken his estranged […]