It’s Just the Way The World Works, Sugarpants
When I was a kid I wanted a pet octopus, badly. It’s name was going to be Sugarpants and we were going to be the best of friends. I was going to take him with me just everywhere and it was going to be so awesome (so awesome you guys, you just have no idea). Now Sugarpants and I were going to be bffs (like, forever) and we would hang out and do all those typical bff things. I’d take Sugarpants shopping, and yell something about ‘Releasing the Kracken’ and then we’d laugh and laugh.
Then maybe have pie, because Sugarpants would love pie. All the good creatures love pie, pie is awesome. I think that’s a rule or something.
Cake is overrated.
Now of course silly things like logistics and common sense weren’t really a factor as I outright rejected them when I was a kid. I also don’t remember my reasons for naming my octopus Sugarpants, as it would be pretty hard to find some pants that would actually fit an octopus.
Plus, that would just be silly.
This tale of woe obviously didn’t end with me realizing my dream and having an awesome octopus bff. As fantastic as that would have been, it just wasn’t meant to be. This is well over 10 years ago (okay, it’s over 14 years later but who’s counting*?) but I still carry the memory of my pet octopus that never was with me. Sugarpants would have been simply the best thing ever.
*I am. I am totally counting.