In Which I Question My Inability to Grow Up

In Which I Question My Inability to Grow Up

I’m not really fit to call myself an adult, most of the time I’m completely convinced that there was a handbook that was given out that got lost in the mail for me. Really, I don’t even fake it all that well. If you happen to have a copy, let me know.

Sure I work, pay taxes, and all those wonderful little things. But, I am simply not the person to come to when you are looking to throw some elegant dinner party, or hold mature and reasoned debate. Heck I still laugh at horribly inappropriate times, make bad puns, and read comics. My work involves me either working with computers or making pretty pictures. These are things I’ve done since I was 13 (which coincidentally is also my estimated maturity level).

My average morning routine:

5:30-6:00- Wake up, tired. Curse myself for not getting enough sleep. Remind myself that the internet exists.

6:00-6:05– Internet wins. Hang head.

6:05-6:30– Stumble downstairs and make coffee.. mmm coffee. Swear to self that I’m not actually addicted, but you know- best part of waking up and all that.

6:30-7:00– Stare blankly at wall. Realize that I should be doing things before kiddo gets up. Instead, stare blankly out window.

7:00-7:15-Checks email. Crosses fingers for good news of some sort. Maybe a payment that I forgot I was getting, or maybe that girl from high school is writing about how awesome I am on Facebook. Hey, it could happen.

7:15-7:30– Realize that indeed, I’m too old for post-high school drama. Shrug shoulders, realize that unless I post it online, my secret is safe. Besides, I wouldn’t do that- that would just be embarrassing.

7:00- 8:00– Hear footsteps, think it’s too early for kiddo until I realize I actually spent an hour online. Crap.

8:00-8:05– Curse internet, internet wins again.

8:05-8:30-Realize I heard cat and/or dog. Resume internetting. Start actual work at about the 8:20 mark.

8:30-8:45-Code happily, maybe some light Photoshop, perchance post a blog or something.

8:45-9:00Dr. Zombie Princess Mc Ninja awakens. Issues morning decree for food, milk, and for me to figure out through a series of ingenious, though cryptic clues what else she actually wants. Fun! My daughter is Nicholas Cage with breakfast (and better hair).

9:00-9:45– No, I didn’t want: eggs/ cereal/ oatmeal/ No! I don’t like milk anymore. No, I didn’t want thaaaaaat! Mommy! You aren’t listening! I said I wanted eggs and milk. No the other eggs! The Easter ones. *sigh* Why can’t I have candy?! I want milk!

10:00-10:30– Realize I forgot to eat, and it’s almost lunch. Makes more coffee. Wonders if it’s too early for a glass of wine.

10:20-10:30– Yes, yes it is too early. Instead makes nachos, works a bit more.

10:30-10:45– It’s quiet, too quiet. OH MY GOD, DON’T TOUCH THA-

10:45-11:30– Minor/ Major Repairs/ Bath/ Moments of Panic

11:30-12:00– Impromptu Dance Party with Dr Princess ‘Nick Cage’ Mc Ninja

The above is a fairly rough outline of the typical morning, although granted ‘work’ may and/or may not reading various things online until I realize that I have a deadline coming up. That however, is a different post altogether.

I’ve tried to act like a reasonably responsible adult, I really did. But, considering I think like this it doesn’t work well, at all.

Though, I do have to say I like to think I fake it pretty well. That’s something, right?