In Which I Question My Inability to Grow Up
I'm not really fit to call myself an adult, most of the time I'm completely convinced that there was a handbook that was given out that got lost in the mail for me. Really, I don't even fake it all that well. If you happen to have a copy, let me know. Sure I work, pay taxes, and all those wonderful little things. But, I am simply not the person to come to when you are looking to throw some elegant dinner party, or hold mature and reasoned debate. Heck I still laugh at horribly inappropriate times, make bad puns, and read comics. My work involves me either working with computers or making pretty pictures. These are things I've done since I was 13 (which coincidentally is also my estimated maturity level). My average morning routine:
5:30-6:00- Wake up, tired. Curse myself for not getting enough sleep. Remind myself that the internet exists. 6:00-6:05- Internet wins. Hang head. 6:05-6:30- Stumble downstairs and make coffee.. mmm coffee. Swear to self that I’m not actually addicted, but you know- best part of waking up and all that. 6:30-7:00- Stare blankly at wall. Realize that I should be doing things before kiddo gets up. Instead, stare blankly out window. 7:00-7:15-Checks email. Crosses fingers for good news of some sort. Maybe a payment that I forgot I was getting, or maybe that girl from high school is writing about how awesome I am on Facebook. Hey, it could happen. 7:15-7:30- Realize that indeed, I’m too old for post-high school drama. Shrug shoulders, realize that unless I post it online, my secret is safe. Besides, I wouldn’t do that- that would just be embarrassing. 7:00- 8:00- Hear footsteps, think it’s too early for kiddo until I realize I actually spent an hour online. Crap. 8:00-8:05- Curse internet, internet wins again. 8:05-8:30-Realize I heard cat and/or dog. Resume internetting. Start actual work at about the 8:20 mark. 8:30-8:45-Code happily, maybe some light Photoshop, perchance post a blog or something. 8:45-9:00-Dr. Zombie Princess Mc Ninja awakens. Issues morning decree for food, milk, and for me to figure out through a series of ingenious, though cryptic clues what else she actually wants. Fun! My daughter is Nicholas Cage with breakfast (and better hair). 9:00-9:45- No, I didn’t want: eggs/ cereal/ oatmeal/ No! I don’t like milk anymore. No, I didn’t want thaaaaaat! Mommy! You aren’t listening! I said I wanted eggs and milk. No the other eggs! The Easter ones. *sigh* Why can’t I have candy?! I want milk! 10:00-10:30- Realize I forgot to eat, and it’s almost lunch. Makes more coffee. Wonders if it’s too early for a glass of wine. 10:20-10:30- Yes, yes it is too early. Instead makes nachos, works a bit more. 10:30-10:45- It's quiet, too quiet. OH MY GOD, DON'T TOUCH THA- 10:45-11:30- Minor/ Major Repairs/ Bath/ Moments of Panic 11:30-12:00- Impromptu Dance Party with Dr Princess 'Nick Cage' Mc NinjaThe above is a fairly rough outline of the typical morning, although granted 'work' may and/or may not reading various things online until I realize that I have a deadline coming up. That however, is a different post altogether. I've tried to act like a reasonably responsible adult, I really did. But, considering I think like this it doesn't work well, at all. Though, I do have to say I like to think I fake it pretty well. That's something, right?