How To Handle Rude Guests?
While the title may make this sound like an advice column, I’m the one who actually needs it. Recently we had a gathering of friends and family, which isn’t a huge secret. This however was the first year certain people were able to attend.
It’s also the last.
Now, I’m far from an ideal guest. In fact I’m the cliché wallflower, and if one is also inviting a bunch of people I don’t know I tend to be quiet and withdrawn. Personally, I don’t like gatherings or anything with too many people, as I am basically a misanthrope (with a heart of gold, natch). That being said, I do know the correct social norms (because putting it that way looks like I’m an anthropologist, so lets work with that) that should be obeyed as to not create a horrible experience for all involved.
However those lessons can skip some people it seems, or maybe those people just don’t care.
Kiddo’s dad came, and as he volunteered and was placed happily on grill duty.
With him, his sister and nephew (Kiddo’s cousin that she was meeting for the first time, he’s about 8, and generally a good kid). It took a bit, but the nephew finally got up the nerve to get out of the car and play with the kids there.
As soon as he walks over, my own cousin (he’s about 8, so same age) calls him a loser (and some not-as-repeatable names). Why? Ask yourself this (as it has a better chance of being known):What was the exact sound made when the universe was created?
Point being, no idea. There was absolutely no precursor (I was standing right there), he just did it to be a evil little monster (this kid has done and said worse to my at the time 2 year old).
So at that point, nephew walks back to the car where he remains until he and his mom had to go. I did talk (rather sternly) to my own cousin, and suffice it to say was and am far less than thrilled over that whole thing, still.
It also set up the future events from my family members. I rather wish I was kidding, but we are still finding things that are damaged, stained, ruined, and just destroyed. All courtesy of that mentioned cousin and his siblings and parents.
Now, this was a birthday party for my daughter and of course there was food. A lot of food. To the point where I was sure there would be burgers and hotdogs for weeks afterwards (as there usually is). However, apparently in this insane-o world I’ve stumbled in between my cousins (the 4 kids and father namely), there was not in face enough for anyone else. No kidding there, sadly. They polished off all the food we had. Amongst themselves. Six pounds of hot dogs and three or so of burgers. They had the audacity to take it away from other guests, after having plenty.
Other nastiness that day include:
- Kiddo favorite shovel toy. Smashed against rocks, just because.
- Her pool. Covered in catsup, just because.
- A bedspread. See above.
- Rugs, and other assorted now stained with catsup items (in placed they should not have been).
- A peed on shower curtain. I have no idea how or why that happened (nor do I really want to know).
- Loud snarky comments about every last gift that wasn’t from them.
- Me being called anorexic (as a ‘joke’).
- Destroyed toys that she was given for her birthday.
- Messed up toys she was given.
- General rudeness to my grandmother.
The above is astoundingly the cliffs notes version of events. Suffice it to say they won’t be invited to anything in the future. I made an attempt to speak to the parents, only to be met with a guffaw. So, that was pointless. I’m still angry over a lot of that, all from one family. Two of their kids were home (which isn’t a complaint), and out of the one’s that did show up only one was great (that kid is always great, she’s a huge sweetie).
I don’t know if I should do anything to explain the issues above. I feel as if it would be pointless, and even in channeling Miss Manners, I really have no idea what to do about it. I’d prefer to explain to them why they will not be invited, to anything, it just doesn’t seem productive.