Word Salad: How I Got Fired From a Job I Never Had (And a Bonus Tale)

Umm, yeah- this pretty much sums up below.
Or, as I like to call ‘that’ – ‘The Woo Quotient’ (because that would be a much deeper name).  I have a family member who I have made mention of here before, she isn’t exactly the happiest person out there, nor would be close to being my BFF (like, forever).  She’s mad at me again, and thankfully there is no fish anywhere.

As for my crime?  Truthfully, your guess is about as good as mine.  Although there are definite positives to her being mad at me, namely she won’t talk to me for about two weeks. This part I rather enjoy (okay, so not my favorite family member). The unfortunate part is when she gets frustrated that I’m not taking notice of the silent treatment, she will (of course) start talking to me as if nothing happened.

Oh! I also got fired. 

Mind you said firing was from a job I was never actually officially hired for.  Due to said people not reading here, I think this is a safe enough story to recant (also, I rather enjoy a good rant).


Well, Ex’s friend whom we shall call Bob* desired a website designer for his pseudo business.  I was calling Ex** and Bob answered to tell me this.  Okay, well I *may* be able to help.  Although considering this kid isn’t exactly an ideal client due to many, many other issues I should have just told him a flat-out no.

So, I did what I usually do at this point I told him to email me details (memory so not good, visual is best for me) and we may see from there (really, I just was calling Ex back.  No wish to talk shop when I didn’t feel like it).

Due to a few other things I also let him know that hypothetically if I did do the work for him I would need a percentage up front, and the rest after the code is delivered (standard procedure and I’m not alone).

Buy, hey whatevs.

That was that, no email nada.. I figured that he found someone else to do the work, and honestly forgot about it. Until about Sunday.

Now I do need to backtrack a bit and say while there is are ‘understandings’ of sorts with the Ex.  Namely, that his friends (if giving Ex a ride) aren’t to come directly to my home, as there has been issues with them  in the past coming over unannounced (and have some rather horrible records on them).  Another is that, depending on circumstances, the weekend is typically off-limits (weekdays are however typically fine).  These have been the ‘rules’ for a while now. 

That’s all.  Nothing huge and it hasn’t been an issue so far.
Sunday, both the Ex and Bob decided that those old rules were just so passé.  While okay, well the weekend thing I’m able to look past and nothing was going on and all at that moment.  Besides, Kiddo would enjoy the visit with Ex, and I guessed that Bob wanted to talk about the website and figure out everything.  I figured that the, hey why not thing would br fine. 

Ex let me know nothing was certain, and not to turn down any plans that may come my way.  Okay!  No problem.  Well, of course this is where everything just went to crap.  As things are wont to do.
My mom decided that it was a good day for shopping.  So, in letting her know about the pending visit, we decided to wait a tad for a call back beforehand.  Tick tock was heard ‘round the house, for roughly a couple of hours. 

Peachy.  Just peachy.

I eventually got tired of waiting, so I called. 

Oh- he had a ride just about to call me back, all that jazz. Watch for his friend’s (Car Kid) car..

Wait, what?  Apparently Bob couldn’t be arsed to walk the sort distance Ex does when he visits (as Bob is a special snowflake doncha know). 

Um, no.  Not going to happen. 

For one, said driver was someone Ex was calling a ‘creep’ all of a week earlier.  Bob wasn’t much better, and suffice it to say that no, Car Kid (as we are now calling him) was not knowing where I live. Ex was understanding, although they did try to convince me to let the rules slide, but no.  Wasn’t happening. 

So, I really thought that was that.  Until yesterday. Ex called, and informed me (whilst giggling***) that I was, indeed fired.  I was too paranoid for web design work (yep, that was really the reason). 

Okay! Said I, maybe a bit more loudly cheerfully than I should have.  This doesn’t sit well of course with Bob (who is probably now convinced he is hardcore and wrecked my career). 

So in far, far too many words That is how I got fired from a job I never actually had.

*Least imaginative fake name, ever.
**Oh, well never mind; maybe that one would indeed be worse than Bob.
***Yep, 28 and he giggles like a 13-year-old girl.  He also obsessively looks for four-leaf clovers.  Considerably giggling isn’t the weirdest trait of his.